


In the Life

by SilentSiren



Category: Pitch Perfect (2012)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-15
Updated: 2014-08-27
Packaged: 2018-02-13 05:45:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2139273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilentSiren/pseuds/SilentSiren
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A uniquely styled drabble collection made into one long fic to tell the life of Beca and Chloe post Pitch Perfect. As with any relationship there are a lot of hiccups for the pair but the difference here is in the extraordinary events that befall the women.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I feel I must stress the trigger warnings for details of self harm and mentions of suicide however there are NO major character deaths. 
> 
> This story is a customised fanfiction challenge I made for myself. I have a list of 100 prompts taken from https://www.fanfiction.net/topic/44309/57910578/1/ and I am to write a drabble for each of them which is to be exactly 100 words. Prompts are to be used in order for the Bechloe pairing and just to make it a bit more interesting, I'm making the drabbles flow into one continuous long story. The prompt word is at the top of each paragraph.

Beauty  
 _Beauty is entirely subjective as I’ve learnt. This woman in front of me does not see herself as beautiful and has tried to physically show her thoughts in the way she has attacked herself. She’s tried to personify her inner picture of herself by marking the canvas of her skin but Beca, don’t you know that the body and soul you see as unlovable is so highly sought after? I promise Beca that when you wake up I will make sure you see what I see and I will make sure you never forget how beautiful you are to me._

Love  
“Love is not something you can control, it just happens. You love a person and all their faults are gone, meaningless as they’re idolised. Beca you are perfect and there is no need for you to hurt yourself this way, I only wish that I could make you see what I see or at least trust me when I say that I love you. Though maybe if I can’t get through to you, a taste of your own medicine will help you realise how I feel on this.” Chloe pulls out a pocket knife and holds it to her skin.

Dream  
 _This can’t be happening. But it is, oh why can’t this be a dream?! Why would she say these things? She can’t really mean to do this to herself can she?  
_ “Chloe, put the knife down,” Beca deflates and the tears return once more, “I don’t want you to cut yourself.”

“Then you know how I feel?” Chloe’s hand shakes slightly, she doesn’t want to do this but she presses the blade against her skin, she’s bluffing but she needs to make Beca believe her.

“Yes! Just please stop!” Beca pleads, stepping forward.

“I can say the same to you.”

Haunted  
Seeing Chloe hold the Swiss Army knife to her skin haunts Beca as the two standoff in the living room. But Chloe has reached her limit; she’s tried to help and had to sit by watching as Beca spirals lower and lower into herself. If she can’t pull Beca out of this descent into madness then she may fall right down there with her, stuck in a place of purgatory, unable to help themselves let alone each other. It reminds Chloe of her haunted past encounters with the darkness Beca faces and she knows she can’t fall into that again.

Memory  
Chloe remembers her bouts of depression as a teenager and young adult before she found her feet, she remembers lowly nights of knee hugging and wracking sobs, she can remember lying in a cold bed at night and soaking her pillow with tears. She remembers finding friends again and with their combined efforts she found a way to beat the urges to punish herself. She remembers seeing Beca in that hospital bed with bandages around her legs and she can’t take it anymore. Once was enough, she doesn’t want to go through this again, it’s make or break time now.

Fragile  
The two stand now at their wits end, their relationship hangs in the fragile balance of how this fateful night will end. They could both end up bleeding their hearts out to each other or they could end up torn apart, destroyed by the void that’s eating through the DJ and sent their separate ways. But Chloe knows that if she walks through that front door now the next thing she will be doing is giving Mr Mitchell her condolences. Humans are an odd mix of fragile and strong and Chloe sees this in Beca even as they face off.

Celebration  
But Beca breaks. Chloe’s demonstration has hit home and tonight is a cause for celebration, they’ve made it out with their lives though their relationship is as intact as Beca’s skin; some old scars and some fresh wounds of varying depths and degrees, but together they’re starting the slow process to heal. The two wrecks meld together in sorrow, tears a plenty as they hold each other on the couch. As with a book when one chapter ends another begins and for the two women this night marks the start of a new beginning in saving Beca and their relationship.

Secret  
Together their secrets spill into the chilly air of the dark early morning, funny how the lack of light makes our verbal filters fall away. Together they cry as they tell each other the truth of the last few weeks’ events, they can’t stop themselves as they trade tales of blood dealings on late evenings in high school, as they recall old methods of pain and evasion of suspicion. Together they rinse their hearts out of the poison they’ve been keeping inside and purge all their angst ridden self-deprecating thoughts and find solace in the each other’s new found love.

Promise  
Together they promise to support to each other, to, despite their strong emotional connection and aversion to hurting each other, be brutally honest with each other in the future with regards to how they feel. After all, this whole mess of heartache could have been avoided if they’d only gotten up the courage to talk to each other sooner. Their promise to each other is not one of romantic intent or of fidelity but of one to be whole heartedly honest to each other and to themselves. Together they promise to stop hurting themselves, each other and their combined relationship.

Innocence  
When Aubrey finds the couple later that same morning curled around each other on the couch at their recital shed, she finds there is an odd mix of mature innocence to the air. There is an obvious sexual element in the two sleeping on a small couch yet there is a defined sense of innocent intimacy in the way the two cling to each other as if for survival. Though the comment is not so far from the truth, the two really do depend on each other for support, comfort and help after their long and heartfelt discussion that morning.

Moonlight  
Chloe expects to her open her eyes and see a vision of a sleeping Beca beside her, the lunar light shining through the wide windows of the building and illuminating the area enough for her to navigate to the bathroom. But instead she finds startlingly sharp piercing sunlight burning her unready retina’s and she squints down at Beca, a hand resting on the woman’s chest, the other supporting her weight as she leans over the DJ. Daylight means a new day and new challenges to face as they move on together. Like there is strength in numbers they’re inseparable now.

Whisper  
“We fell asleep,” Chloe whispers though she doesn’t question why.  
“Yeah you did,” A voice whispers back in her ear and Chloe jumps. It’s Aubrey.  
“Jesus when did you get here?” Chloe grumbles, her peaceful moment with Beca shattered by Aubrey’s presence.  
“An hour ago,” Aubrey leaves the couple and flips the whiteboard to show everything that she’s written on it, “I have ideas for a new outfit,” she says proudly.  
“Hey,” Beca whispers to Chloe, tapping her arm, “Thankyou.”  
“You’re welcome,” she whispers back and gently kisses her, “Thankyou for listening.”  
Beca gives a small half smile in reply.

Echo  
There’s a faint echo of heartbreak left on Chloe’s heart that sleep hasn’t been able to eradicate, much to her despair, but as she holds her hand out to Beca to pull her up from the couch, she sees the feeling is mutual- it’s written in the smaller woman’s awkward stance. Chloe feels she should have known that one nights heart to heart would not be enough but now that they are on the same page and remember how to communicate for a functioning relationship, they find it hard to stop talking, much to Aubrey’s growing frustration at the pair.

Jealousy  
Aubrey is not one to become jealous easily but she’s starting to turn green with envy at the couple. Since the two become so entirely wrapped up in their own existence, Aubrey’s found she can hardly get a word in when she needs to. And should she manage to split the two apart for more than a minute to discuss important Bella announcements, she finds that the two will _still_ communicate with their fleeting glances. Watching the two support each other was a slap in the face for Aubrey, reminding her of how alone she was without the Bella’s group.

Passion  
There is just so much passion emanating from the pair of lovebirds. Like a baby learning to walk and then escalating to a run, the two women jump from talking constantly to confirming the believe of their words in action, finding refuge in their shared physical connection, a step up from their emotional bond. The two gain the strength to be apart again like normal couples and it fuels their evening reunions, the negativity is gone from Beca’s life and with Chloe by her side she thrives. The marks her skin bore fade with passing time as does her pain.

Lies  
But then Beca’s father calls to tell her that her mother passed away in a three car pileup while she was on her way home a few days ago. He calls. He doesn’t have the time to come and see her personally. Beca slips. She’s alone when the she hangs up the phone and drops to the floor, clutching to her knees since her girlfriend is absent. She can’t regulate the almost hyperventilating sobs that take her over. She can’t control herself and so she falls back to the one thing she can manipulate. She lies to Chloe that night.

Regrets  
Beca regrets lying to Chloe that night and the next morning when she wakes up she spontaneously bursts into tears upon the sight of her redheaded girlfriend in bed beside her. Chloe doesn’t understand at first but Beca fills her in on the gaps in the events that occurred between Beca getting home and Chloe coming home to find her passed out on the floor. She doesn’t need to tell Chloe that she regrets hiding her actions, Chloe reads it in her behaviour and unbeknownst to Beca, Chloe regrets not being able to piece it all together for herself sooner.

Trust  
Beca is surprised when Chloe isn’t mad at her; she had expected to be yelled at like a mother would an impudent child, she’d expected tears and questions of ‘why’, she had expected Chloe to be upset or angry but the woman utterly floored her with her response. She did none of the above things, just stared at the weeping brunette intently for a brief moment and then pulled her in for a kiss. She whispered words of love and affection, promising she understood and reminding Beca that she trusted and loved her. It completely blew Beca away with guilt.

Revenge  
But Chloe would end up falling into the same pit, though her lie was by omission; she didn’t tell Beca when her father came around looking for her. He wanted to reconnect with his daughter in the event of the loss of her mother. Chloe felt that Beca didn’t need him in her life reminding her of heartaches of the past- heartaches he had a large hand in implementing. Not telling Beca about her fathers’ visit and preventing their reunion was Chloe’s revenge on the man for the pain he caused both women. She wouldn’t let Beca be hurt again.

Beach  
Chloe’s plan fails however as Mr Mitchell makes more than one attempt to reconnect with his daughter. Even with all the Bella’s misdirecting the man he still managed to catch up with her eventually, after all he is a professor with the university. Through a complex network of people he hears of where Beca will be in advance and he goes to find her at the beach one night. The two about their shared loss and Mr Mitchell apologises to his daughter for the harm he has caused her and inadvertently caused Chloe. Beca with her soft heart forgives him.

Midnight  
Chloe and Beca found that when they need to talk freely and without inhibitions it’s best if they talk at night, late at night, often in someplace that is not their shared residency. Any time after midnight works well for them though before works as well. It’s something about the dark of the night that allows them to speak more freely with each other. Midnight is their downtime, their shared time, their time to come together and regroup, reconnect and remind themselves of their commitment to each other. It’s also the time they find themselves confessing their misdeeds to each other.

Confessions  
It’s at one such moment that Chloe spills the beans and confesses to Beca her father’s attempt to return into her life. She’s not very good at lying and Chloe found herself second guessing her decision to try and cut Mr Mitchell off from Beca.  So, guilt ridden she tells her partner the truth. But Chloe’s confession is met with one of Beca’s own; she’d withheld her meeting with her father on the beach. The two laugh at how terrible they’ve become at lying to each other over the years and it serves to remind them why they do this.

Crush  
Then one night Beca is late home. Chloe makes it to their apartment and assumes that her girlfriend will be there already considering she herself is over half an hour late for dinner but when she climbs the stairs and opens the door, an apology already halfway out of her lips, she finds their home is dark and cold, no warm beautiful DJ to be seen. It’s disappointing and she wonders why Beca didn’t call her and tell her she was going to be late. They talk so frequently about everything that Chloe worries something has happened to her companion.

Chocolate  
In her anxiety filled wait for her lover to return home she slips into the old habit of comfort food and scours the cupboard for sweets. Chloe finds an unopened block of chocolate and only briefly wonders why it wasn’t eaten before, Beca and herself are both sweet tooths and candy in their house rarely last more than a day or two depending on the confectionary. But no matter how much chocolate she consumes, it cannot prepare her for the events that are already set in motion. For now she unaware of them but it’s inevitable that she find out.

Alone  
She’s alone again in the world, her lover almost doomed to follow her mother’s fate. The call comes in early that morning, panicked tears have been streaming down her face on and off for hours already but the news brings them back. Beca is in trouble as she feared. Worse, they fear that the young woman may not make it through the night, her head injury is severe and they can’t yet determine the degree of brain damage she sustained in the crash. Chloe is alone, in shock, and spiralling quickly out of her own control. She’s lost and alone.

Rain  
It’s raining heavily by the time Chloe makes it outside, which seems fitting given the circumstances. The water droplets a metaphor of her tears, the slippery roads a simile of the danger Beca faces. Chloe makes it to the hospital - a place of mixed emotions - both hope and despair circle through the air as she walks in out of the rain, a haven from the storm that starts to rage. She sighs in relief to see Beca awake, alive and well, she scolds her for giving her such a fright but Beca looks at her without recognition; “Who are you?”.  


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I am Australian, the timeline and seasons follow Australian patterns since that is all I know.

Letters  
Beca sent Chloe away and back out into the storm, a physical manifestation of the turmoil between the two, more so in Chloe for she remembers, she knows what is missing. But Beca is frightened and doesn’t want her.  It cuts through her deeply and she writes many letters to the woman detailing her memories of their time together, how they met, how they spent their time together, how they loved each other. But few of these letters are sent and absolutely none are ever replied to making Chloe wonder if Beca receives them at all let alone reads them.

Cold  
The cold has never felt so bitter before, the heater radiates a pleasant 23ºC but Chloe cannot feel it anymore, she shivers despite herself and can feel the ice constricting her ribs. Beca has pushed her out of her life and wishes to move on. Chloe however is stuck, her life frozen in place without her bubbly better half. Now the house is always cold when she comes home, and the bed much the same when she wakes up. The abrupt severing of their connection has left her open the elements that steal away her warmth and leave her frostbitten.

Dark  
The darkness of the night seeps in through the cracks in her heart and whispers it’s magic into her wounds, coaxing into her old habits that she and Beca together fought against and overcame before. But now she without her strength, without help, knocked down too far to consider getting back up. And it’s just what the dark wants, it speaks to her, feeds her anxiety and preys on her loneliness. Then it reminds Chloe of how she used to find relief, like fighting fire with fire the darkness of the night tells her combat the pain with more pain.

Addiction  
They say relapse is part of recovery but not when you’ve gone years without succumbing, that’s simply becoming re-addicted. Chloe does fall into addiction again, she’d feel ashamed of her actions were anyone to find out what she was doing but no one cares to ask. They think Chloe has moved on with her life but she’s still stuck in purgatory, slowly killing herself with the mental anguish and complex loss of Beca. It’s not easy to uncouple yourself from someone you are so entwined with, she craves the love has been ripped from and denied, nothing fills the void.

Flower  
Summer arrives and still Chloe is in limbo, the bright sunshine and yellow dandelions do nothing to help her mood, not even Aubrey’s offer to go shopping for dresses peaks her interest. She doesn’t want her friend to see the changes that have occurred in her and likewise been reflected in her physical form. Chloe doesn’t want to burden the woman with her troubles; they’ve had this conversation many times in the past. Beca however, unbeknownst to Chloe, blossoms in her new life with the support of her father, untouched by the devastation in her decision to leave Chloe behind.

Snow  
Though winter has not yet fallen upon the country the lower temperatures have and Chloe sees the chilly air as a general part of her being. Her life moves through the passing time with a numbness akin to a winters chilly atmosphere and as she stares at the frost covered ground, a mirroring of snow-a foreshadowing of what’s yet to come, she feels as though nothing has changed. She’s still feels the icy storm that raged after Beca’s crash, it’s gone from the world but not from her life, the storm lives on in her being now, fierce and cold.

Temptation  
It gives Chloe a fright when she walks into the café and finds Beca sitting at one of the tables with her father, a third seat beside them is empty. She’s been through this scenario in her head more times than she can recall and each one’s different. There were so many variables, so many little things that could change the end outcome. The temptation to go and talk to her is unavoidable- what would she say? Should she say anything? But then another man moves with purpose to the table and takes the seat with belonging. She’s been replaced.

Unity  
In some versions Beca calls out her name and apologises, in others she fears that Beca would glare at her and in that backhanded way, politely ask her leave. Again. But in her fantasies she dares to hope that Beca might remember her, might want to reconcile and attempt to make peace. But their unity only occurs in her nightmares and it haunts Chloe in her waking hours. The memory of what she loved and loss still burns. Time has not fixed her splintered being yet and seeing that Beca has moved on only adds another nail to her coffin.

Hurt  
The pain from the night of the crash comes back as if it just happened, she’s spent months trying to get over this woman and now here she is, right in front of her like a smack to the face. She thinks that if a God exists then he is playing a cruel game by torturing her like this. Does she not punish herself for the events she had no control over? Must he add to her anguish or is this her chance to gain back her happiness or achieve a sense of peace? Chloe takes the risk, “Hi Beca.”

Truth  
But the truth of the matter is that Beca does not know who she is now any more than she did when she first saw her. Only now there is a spec of sad recognition as Beca recalls meeting the redhead on the first day she woke up. She pities Chloe for being attached to a changed woman but Chloe sees the truth now; if she wants to feel that kind of love again, she’ll have to find someone else. Love fades in and out, it is not a permanent thing but Chloe misses it, misses what she had before.

Rogue  
At first Chloe feels guilty at the little rouge attraction she suddenly recognises she feels one night when Aubrey drags her out of her apartment to socialise. But then she remembers her encounter with the new Beca and is reminded yet again that if she wants to feel as loved as the old Beca made her feel, then she needs to connect with someone else. She takes the little Rogue’s hint and lets her attraction blossom, now she has a chance at starting something new. Now she can start to repair herself, but first she needs to make an impression. 

Champagne  
The man Chloe finds herself dancing with that night is devilishly handsome and charms her in the way he whisks her off the floor and into a private booth, ordering champagne of all things. Chloe asks what the occasion is and he tells her that she is the first woman he laid eyes on that he liked since returning to the dating scene. It turns out his girlfriend died and he couldn’t move on from her. It’s an odd moment for them both in which they bond over a common loss. They find a solace in talking to each other.

Tulips  
Chloe stares at the picture of tulips that accompanies the wine list on the table as she starts to unexplainably pour her heart out to this stranger in front of her. She finds it easier to stare at the unfamiliar flowers than at this man’s face, gorgeous as it may be, it’s easier to pretend for a moment that she is talking to herself. It gives her the courage to speak honestly and candidly. And the feedback and understanding she receives does wonders for her soul. Someone else finally understands what she’s going through and she’s no longer alone anymore.

Glitter  
Chloe’s eyes glitter with tears that form from the fond memories she has of Beca. They say time makes things better but it’s only half true, the pain can come back at full force at any moment with the slightest mention of the pain ridden event. But she’s not alone, Mark, her companion for the evening identifies all too well with how she feels and finds himself sympathising, his own eyes misting slightly despite himself. He comforts her and retells his own story of how he was to propose to his girlfriend on the night that she crashed her car.

Fearless  
They pause for a moment; neither want to talk about their experiences anymore, it all still hurts too much. In a moment of fearlessness Chloe slides around next to Mark and kisses him with confidence  in which Chloe makes a move on mark but he stops her, he doesn’t want to take advantage of her, he wants her to want it without it being a moment of ‘weakness’.

Proposal  
Mark proposes that instead of finding someone to sleep with as they had intended previously, that instead they provide each other with what it is they really desire- a human connection, sex can only provide so much and the release of hormones is short lived. What they crave lasts a lot longer. They need a sense of belonging as being a special part of another’s life and that cannot be found in a one night stand. And so it is with that mentality that Mark drops a few bills on the table and then they leave together for their cars.

Together  
Chloe wants to be somewhere she’s familiar with and suggests that Mark follow her home, that way in the morning both parties will have their respective vehicles close by for wherever the morning should leave them. But for now Chloe relaxes into the feeling of being ‘together’, the aspect she missed most in her relationship with Beca. The two spend the evening on the couch talking, lying together in the small space. The lack of distance provides Chloe with a sense of security and the comfort that she greatly desires. She falls into a state of peace, tranquillity, then sleep.

Heartbroken  
For one to be heartbroken you’d have to have something whole and breakable, Chloe’s heart never mended so when Mark wakes her up to apologise she supposes she shouldn’t feel quite so despondent. Mark tells Chloe that she reminds him too much of his previous girlfriend and he couldn’t live to see her reflected in Chloe’s face. It stings the troubled girl but she understands, for she couldn’t stand to be around anyone who reminded her of Beca- save for Aubrey and the few Bella’s she stayed in contact with since graduating. And yet there’s a burning in her heart.

Loss  
Chloe didn’t even know the man a day but their commonality of loss gave her a strong connection to him and she wanted the chance to get to know him. So when he leaves her house with the finality of a breakup (though they were never together) she can’t but feel as though she’s grieving two failed relationships at once. The empty feeling and iciness returns anew leaving Chloe in despair, she’s lost perspective of herself and her emotions. The night was supposed to help her pull herself out of this spiral but instead she’s fallen into a new abyss.  

Holiday  
It’s suggested to Chloe that perhaps she take some of her building leave time and go on holiday while it’s the off peak season. It doesn’t seem like a bad idea, perhaps she needs to get away from the familiarity of home and be thrown into a new setting to regain some perspective. But then she decides that perhaps she should have a talk with her mother, her mother’s place is a mix of childhood familiarity and yet there were plenty of places that she could explore that were no entertainment value as a child. She’s off to her mothers.  

Roses  
Chloe visits the town gardens that she used to play in as a child. It’s hardly changed in the years since she’s been away; the paths are the same, the flower patterns unchanged, the rotundas are fading but the playground’s been updated in compliance with new occupational health and safety laws. Chloe goes to one of her favourite places, the rose maze, and walks through the thigh high bushes at a leisurely pace, hands in pockets, music in ear and thoughts ticking over. She looks at the roses and thinks of their simple shape but complex arrangement for a distraction.

Sparkle  
It rained that day so as Chloe walks through the damp grounds, she finds the sunlight glistening off the green grass through the clouds and little droplets sparkle on the enwoven rose petals, delicate and dainty, picture perfect. The air has a chill as the sun plays hide and seek with the clouds but Chloe does not mind, she has too many things to look at. The town’s annual carnival is on the other side of the gardens and children pull their parents along impatiently towards the dazzling lights. Chloe imagines Beca would pull her through the ruckus for fun.

Magic  
There is something about the atmosphere of the carnival with its lights and music and street performer’s that inspires a childlike innocence towards fun. There is a tiny hint of a smile as Chloe stands with a group who watch a sidewalk magician and illusionist show off some warm up acts. Kids sit and stare in awe and Chloe herself does find the illusions intriguing but even with the magical atmosphere of the carnival, it still isn’t the same when you’re there alone. She tries to absorb the happiness of those around her and live for the moment she’s in.

Fire  
Fire breathers twirl flaming torches and kids gasp in delight and wonder as the pair seemingly ‘breathe’ the fire, Chloe thinks that if Beca where here she’d say she wanted to learn how to do it. She stands there for a while watching as the man and woman clown around, pretending the fire is alive but she is not entirely impressed with the performance, it’s definitely more suited to the children. The children beam and shout in reaction to the theatrical display, but Chloe is too old to enjoy such silly and childish antics but Beca would have liked it.

Thunder  
From somewhere comes a loud boom that Chloe can’t distinguish between being a clap of thunder or part of a soundtrack from somewhere else in the carnival. Sounds mesh together haphazardly overlapping each other and becoming a cloud of noise, it’s a wonder anyone can pull apart the sounds and hear individual words or people. On top of that there are merchants yelling out prices for light up wands and bouncy balls and game owners yelling out deals or the rules to their games. It’s rather a din but somehow it would not be the same if it were quieter.

Vanilla  
As Chloe goes to leave the carnival she comes across the food trucks lined up in the parking lot selling hot dogs, coffee, noodles, hot jam donuts, fairy floss, ice-cream… Chloe can hear the children asking their fathers for ice cream or begging their mothers for fairy floss and the idea sticks in her head. She missed lunch but it is not yet near dinner time and proper food does not seem all that appealing. However the perks of being an adult means that Chloe can do what the children cannot- she goes and buys herself an ice-cream- vanilla flavoured.  

Broken  
As Chloe gets halfway through her cone someone crashes into her sending her stumbling a few steps. “Sorry!” A voice calls in a rush. Now, there are moments that you cannot come back from, a point of no return where events and outcomes cannot be changed. The moment when the two bodies collide a cone breaks is one such moment, it’s a simple act and a simple mistake but it almost sends Chloe over the edge into tears, can nothing go right for her? Not even a walk through the park is uneventful, it’s a small incident but Chloe breaks.

Forever  
Chloe wonders if maybe she is doomed to be stuck in the loop of unfortunate events forever. Nothing has been going right for so long now that she wonders if perhaps the world is broken beyond repair. Is there an end to pain or do we just forget about it for a while till something triggers its return? On the flip side, does love last? Can you love one person wholly and completely for the duration of your life? Love is complicated and if it’s simple without complexity then it must be wrong, love is not supposed to make sense.

Imagination  
Chloe thinks she is seeing things and imaging that it is Beca in front of her but when she looks again she’s given a nasty shock. It _is_ Beca. Beca _is_ standing in front of her, tugging her arm and looking at her pointedly, waiting for a response. Chloe has no idea what she said, she’s still stunned from turning around and finding the person of her desire _there._ She thought running into Beca once was lucky, what were the odds of her crashing into the woman a second time? Chloe thinks she looks more like old Beca she knew.

Fade  
For a moment her pain fades along with the light as she finds herself face to face with her dream and nightmare. As Beca stands before her she feels an exhilarating rush of hope and relief, a moment of pure bliss as her eyes beat her brain. In that moment she sees Beca as she was before the accident, as the young alternative DJ and in reaction she hopes for the impossible. The mere presence of the woman she thought she would never see again has done what months of grieving couldn’t do for her- given her peace and happiness.

Silence  
Silence falls between them as Chloe fails to speak- she is still too stunned.  What did Beca say? Surely she didn’t- no she couldn’t have- Chloe must have imagined the response in her moment of happiness to see the woman again, there’s no way she-

“Chloe? Did you hear me?”

Chloe swallows; the ice cream is dripping through the broken cone in her hand so she tosses it over to a nearby bin and it doubles as procrastination; she’s not sure if she wants to clarify on what Beca said.

“I said-”

“You remember?” Chloe interrupts, but there is hesitancy.


	3. Chapter 3

Shine  
Beca’s smile seems to bring the sun back out from behind the clouds, she nods with the biggest smile on her face and reaches up towards Chloe face but then stops half way. Perhaps it’s no longer her place to show Chloe affection after the considerable pain she inadvertently inflicted? Chloe takes a single step forward and pulls the slightly shorter woman against her tightly, hugging her fiercely her eyes mist over as her mind catches up- the doctors said she’d most likely never get her memories back. As Chloe’s eyes shine with tears, she pulls back to begin questioning.

Bright  
Questions of how long ago she regained her past, what about the boyfriend Chloe saw her with that day in the café, was she looking for Chloe, did she know she’d be here? Lots of questions that Beca now held the answers to had to be asked and would be but now there was a brightness to the future that wasn’t there five minutes prior. It frightens Chloe how fast her world turned around with Beca’s return, but despite this being what Chloe wanted she’s not sure if they could they ever work again. Time passes, people and feelings change.

Rumours  
It takes them hours to catch up and well into the early hours of the morning, to the point that the carnival closed for the night and sent the two women off. It forces them to confront what they’ve been avoiding- what are they going to be? Considering the time, Chloe elects to let Beca stay with her the night and they’ll wait and see what happens. The evening passes and the two must separate at the very least to sort their affairs, there is still much to sort out. But somehow rumours of their get together beat Chloe home.

Bells  
“Hark, is that church bells I hear in the distance?” Aubrey asks.  
Chloe almost jumps out of her skin as she steps in through her front door; she was not expecting her friend to be in her apartment _waiting_ for her to return, “What on earth are you talking about?”  
“A little birdy told me about Beca and Chloe sitting in a tree,” Aubrey sung.  
“Oh my god, are you five?”  
“Well? Is it true? Are you and Beca back together? Does she remember?”  
“Interesting choice of priorities there-”  
“Oh stop stalling and answer me!”  
Chloe beams, “Yes. Beca remembers.”

Red  
“That’s awesome!” Aubrey bursts out.  
“Yeah, but church bells? Really? Don’t you think that’s a bit fast?”  
“Oh please, you two were all over each other before, you’ll be fine. I bet within a month the two of you will be back to the way things were. It’ll be as if nothing happened.”  
Chloe is not as sure as Aubrey, “There’s still a lot of red tape so to speak,” It’s not that she isn’t hopeful her relationship with Beca can be resurrected; she is, however their time apart has caused some problems that they need to work through first.

Doubt  
It takes a week before Beca can come down and see Chloe again, her boss was not as understanding of her personal situation as she’d hoped and they wouldn’t allow her time off. But it seems that even memory loss cannot change the woman’s love for music; she now works for a record company. However the week apart was long enough for Chloe to run the situation through her head hundreds of times and lose perspective, by the time Beca makes it her front door she’s so full of doubts and anxiety she can barely breathe properly or think clearly.

Always  
Depending on how you look at it, Aubrey was right, (as always, she’d say), even on their first weekend together when Beca arrived to an anxious and confused Chloe the two unconsciously started to settle into their old pattern. Late night talks, holding each other, talking through their problems thoroughly and solving them by supporting each other… It was almost as if nothing had changed, as if they’d always been together. Almost. The rift that time has put between them can only be undone with more time. Few things in the world are perfect, and their reunion is no exception.

Perfect  
Perfection is something many people strive for; they dress smart, style their hair and conduct themselves with respect and authority. Even when life throws a curveball they maintain that air of dignity and the ideal that nothing is wrong. Perfection is not something Beca and Chloe strive for; they know that perfection is not what they are. They prefer to go day by day and move through their repairing relationship as best they can, it’s a slow repair process for them but this is how they manage. They do not aim for perfection, they only aim to work together again.

Butterfly  
Spring arrives and brings the warmer weather, the flowers bud and peak, the grass shoots up in vibrant green and the world starts to look alive again. Then spring heats up and the earth starts to scorch as it begins to cycle through another year, summer tumbles in with its unbearable heat and carries in the flies and mosquitos. By day the butterflies flutter through the air and by night the blood suckers prowl those enjoying the warm evenings. Along with the changing of seasons has been the passing of time and through this time Beca and Chloe have reconnected.

Kiss  
A kiss can mean so much or it can mean nothing at all, it all depends on the context and emotions involved. For the pair a kiss is the mark of their progress together and a small milestone. It’s all about time; it took time for them to find their footing with each other and it took time before they fully allowed themselves to be as completely honest with each other as they used to be. A kiss, Beca’s kiss, though to Chloe’s cheek, is a significant indicator that they are making it, steadily and surely, they are making it.

Subtle  
The changes in their relationship have been slow and subtle, shifting like the passing seasons with the same slowness. It doesn’t happen all at once just like day does not suddenly become night, there is the mixing of colours in the sky and the slow trek of the sun down the horizon before the transition is complete. Similarly the evolving of their relationship is not noticed by them in the changing colours until they suddenly look up and see the stark change in light. Time has repaired them well enough but they still have their bad days every so often.

Nightmare  
Chloe screams one night, not a girly high pitched scream of fright that you see in movies, but a deep and chilling outcry that almost didn’t even sound human as it came from the redhead and woke herself and Beca. It takes Chloe a moment to recognise that it was _she_ who made the noise and not an animal or intruder. Beca looks at her with concern, “Are you okay?”  
Chloe experiences a moment of incomprehension as reality chases away the nightmare in which Beca still has amnesia. She hesitates as she reorientates her perspective and then nods in reply.  

Mistletoe  
Chloe gets out of bed and Beca follows her, “Hey,” she calls out gently and stops her partner in their doorway with a gentle hand on her arm. She kisses Chloe and then looks up with a grin at the hanging mistletoe she placed there earlier before returning to her current concerns, “What happened?”  
Together they walk out, hand in hand to the kitchen where instead of getting something to drink like Beca thought they would, they sit down at the preparation bench.  
“It was just the same dream,” Chloe sniffs and wipes away an errant tear with her finger.

Locket  
Then Chloe gets up and moves towards the fridge, she’s sick of the on and off again nightmares she’s been having as of late. Beca also gets up but much to the redhead’s surprise, leaves and moves over to the Christmas tree that lights their apartment. She bends down and picks out a tiny blue box that’s not wrapped up, but without any identifying symbols or logos, Chloe can only guess as to its contents. Beca brings it over and opens it; inside is a silver locket, “I was going to give you this for Christmas, which technically is now…”

Mercy  
Chloe puts down her glass of juice to take the locket and look at it closely, jewellery was not something the two bought each other commonly. On the front is an engraving of three chain links coupled together, Chloe opens it and doesn’t know how to feel when she finds it empty.  
“I couldn’t get a picture small enough to fit in it but that wasn’t why I bought it. Our lives are irreversibly connected now, no matter what the past or our future holds-”  
Chloe kisses Beca who finds herself completely at the mercy of the other woman’s lips.

Poppy  
Beca never did get to finish her small speech about the locket but Chloe understood its meaning well enough without it, though there was little in the way of sleep for the remainder of their Christmas. Christmas turned out to be an interesting and hazardous day for the pair; it started out well enough with Mr Mitchell coming around in the morning so the two could explain their revived relationship, the afternoon taught them that Chloe’s family was a bit eccentric when drunk and it turns out Beca is allergic to poppy seeds, and the night fared them no better.

Fall  
No sooner do the pair decide to leave when Chloe’s brother stumbles over Beca in his attempt to ‘hug’ her and causes her to fall. Between the music and rowdy conversations no one hears the harsh wet crack as gravity pulls on the smaller brunette. Beca lasts through two hours of the deep ache in her arm before finally letting Chloe take her to the hospital. Do you know how many people are at a hospital on Christmas? There’s the drunks, there’s families visiting loved ones, car crash victims… It takes hours before someone is able to tend to Beca.

Key  
The key to recovery with a broken arm is to learn how to manage life with your non dominant hand and deal with each and every little problem as though it were a challenge and not a chore. The key to managing life with a broken arm includes listening to your doctor’s advice when he tells you how to take care of the cast on your arm. Beca however seemed to skip the information session and went straight to finding ways of relieving the itch the cast gave her. This was one query she did not need Google to answer.

Hatred  
Beca _hates_ the cast. Chloe has to keep her eye on the woman or else she’ll try to come up with ways in which to remove her cast. One time Chloe even caught her trying to _saw_ the hardened plastic off.  Beca on the other hand complains that she can’t complete basic life tasks or make her music mixes and she tells Chloe that she has to remove the cast if she wants to get anything done. The whining was cute the first time but now Chloe just growls an irritated warning to Beca that she needs to stop complaining.

Rainbow  
“Why don’t you go for a walk or something?’ Chloe suggests during one of Beca’s whining sessions.  
“Oh sure, in the rain where my cast will get wet and I’ll have to get _another_ one. No thanks.”  
“Then go rainbow hunting,” Chloe starts to get frustrated.  
“Rainbows are gay.”  
“No- well yes but-ugh, gay is not an adjective Beca and unless you want to sleep on the cold kitchen tiles you won’t use it as such. The rainbow flag represents a lot more than gays I’ll have you know.”  
“Yes okay I know, you’ve told me like a hundred times...”

Diamond  
“Do you want to marry me?” Chloe asks suddenly one afternoon while Beca is busy using a straw to scratch an itch.  
“Huh?” She pauses, thinking that she mustn’t have heard the woman right, “Did you just say…” Chloe nods, “Wow Chloe, I don’t know… I mean, I’m comfortable with the way things are, I don’t need a piece of paper to prove our love or- or our commitment to each other. I don’t need a shiny diamond ring or a wedding or anything like that.”  
“Wow, that was… oddly romantic,” Chloe can’t help but beam and hug Beca warmly.

**Author's Note:**

> I have to say, I am quite proud of this.  
> 


End file.
